My Dad's Art

Probably somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 years ago, my dad became an artist, in his own eyes. I don’t know how it all came about, but he began painting scenes that he saw in old calendars and country magazines. He loved painting and was so proud of his artwork. He even stepped it up a notch and started making frames to showcase his artwork.

Dad was a serious artist and set up a little studio out in his work shop. It didn’t matter that his studio also housed his hammers, nails, screw drivers and other tools. A desk near a window for perfect lighting, a heater for the winter and a fan for the summer was all he needed for a perfect studio.

Dad was always so proud of his artwork. His talent didn’t quiet measure up to his love of painting, but we never let him know that. There was definitely more talent in his frame making than in his painting. I remember one year we bought him a couple of books on learning to paint and he was actually a little insulted! He was far too advanced to learn anything from those books! That’s when we learned to buy canvases, paints and brushes for him and to stay away from anything instructional.

Once Alzheimer’s set in, Dad painted less and less. One day after he passed away, Creston and I were looking in his workshop at his art supplies and found some blank canvases stored in a cabinet with his tools. I could envision him putting them away, thinking he was putting them where they belonged. Creston gave me a light-hearted moment when told me about seeing one of Dad’s paintings lined up with the others in the game room and thinking “Wow, Grandpa has really improved.” He picked it up for a closer look and realized that in his confusion, Dad had framed a picture out of a magazine.

About a month ago, mom was out with her caretaker doing some errands. Missy decided to stop at a yard sale and Mom opted to sit in the car. At the last minute Mom changed her mind and got out to glance over the items for sale. She walked up to a table and found a 5x7 framed piece of art, that my dad had painted in 2004. Apparently the guy having the sale found it in a shed he was cleaning out and added it to his yard sale. He gave it to Mom and she brought it home. When I asked Mom to show it to me, we both looked at it and started crying. Unselfishly she offered me the painting and it has become one of my most prized possessions.




Yesterday when I was sorting through my Christmas decorations, I came across another one of Dad’s little masterpieces. It’s an unframed 4x5 inch canvas that he painted of a house with snow on the roof. My dad always had beautiful handwriting and he wrote, “Merry Christmas” on the front of the painting and on the back of the canvas he wrote, “To Molly From Dad. Christmas 95. Love U.” I remember how proud he was of the Christmas card he painted for me that year.



Oh how I wish I had shown more interest and been more complimentary when Dad showed me his latest work. No matter how many canvases he painted, each piece was special to him and a work of art. After a while his work seemed so commonplace that I barely gave it a second look. The two little pieces of art that I’ve recently came across have made me aware that no matter how insignificant something might seem to me, I need to be more sensitive to the other person and before more considerate of their feelings. A little more time, a little more kindness and a little more praise would have meant so much to my dad and would have only taken a few minutes of my time. Thank you God for your creative ways in sending me a couple of precious reminders to help me become a better person.

Dad

At 8:05 last Wednesday, my dad went home to be with our Heavenly Father. Leading up to his death, I kept thinking what a relief and blessing it would be when he passed, leaving me in no way prepared for the sadness and sense of loss I would feel when it happened. Not only am I coming to terms with my grief, it’s been hard watching my mom as she mourns the loss of her husband of 64 years.

Dad turned 85 years old on August 31. Other than the Alzheimer’s that he was diagnosed with this year, he’s had excellent health. The few hospital trips he’s had were to the ER, compliments of his table saw and ladders. Even in his Alzheimer’s state of confusion, he seemed happy most of the time and continued to laugh and joke with us. For the most part, he recognized us as someone he was supposed to know and sometimes even knew our names.

It is such a blessing that God took Dad home before his mind got so bad he had to be put in a nursing home. He was able to be at home when he passed away, under the wonderful care of Hospice with Mom, my brother and I holding him, as he took his final breath. The knowledge that we will see him again and spend all of eternity praising God with him, brings us comfort and peace.

The afternoon after Dad’s service, we found this note that he wrote Mom on their 18th wedding anniversary. It’s way too precious not to share!

Anniversary Day
Dearest Mother, Boys, and Daughter,
I want you all to know that 18 years ago I didn’t know that God was going to bless me with such a wonderful family. I just would not change a thing if I could. I think each and every one of you are the best and it just makes me feel like trying harder each day to be a better man, better dad to you, and praising God more and more for such a blessing. I just pray that we will all grow stronger and that our family will always be strong.
With all my love,
Daddy

Father's Day

Since I had to take Cade home yesterday, I thought I’d go out and spend some time with Dad for an early “Father’s Day.” It becomes increasingly harder for me every time I go for a visit and yesterday was really bad. I didn’t stay long and felt guilty about it, when I left.

Dad always seems glad to see me, but I'm not sure he knows who I am. The way he acts, I think he knows that I’m someone close to him, someone he should know. As I watch him, I sit and wonder what he’s thinking. Gone are the days of sitting and having a conversation with him. He mumbles a lot, making it hard to hear him. What he does say, makes no sense. To add to the confusion, Mom asks him to repeat what he says. He can’t remember what he says, so he gets a blank look and shrugs his shoulders, or says something different than what he originally said. I don’t know why Mom is so insistent on having him repeat stuff. The only thing I can figure out is she’s hoping he’ll say something that makes sense, and she doesn’t want to miss that moment.

It’s so hard for me to watch some of the things Dad does, as it reflects just how bad his mind really is. He is so confused in so many ways. One time he broke up his cookies, put them in his coke and started eating them like you would cookies and milk. I ask him what he was doing, and he looked at me like I was the one with brain issues. He said he had been doing that "all his life." Another time he poured his coke into a gallon of ice cream. Yesterday he picked up a piece of chocolate candy and ate it like he would a cracker, with his red beans and rice. Then he put a piece of candy with the wrapper on it, in his mouth. When I told him he couldn’t do that and to spit it out, he looked at me as a child would, that had just been scorned.

A friend recently said that both of parents were here one day and gone the next. She said that after hearing what others have gone through with their parents, she is thankful that God blessed her, and her parents, with a quick death. I’ve thought a lot about what she said. Up until Dad started getting so bad, I had felt blessed to have him and Mom with us. Now it’s hard seeing him the way he is, and watching her as she tries to cope with the changes taking place with him. I’m not sure which way is easier and I’m thankful God is the one who determines all of this. For me, it’ll be a relief when my dad passes and I know he’s out of this state of confusion and home with Jesus. As for today, I’m going to focus on the memories, and I have lots of those to be thankful for!

Dad's Follow Up Appointment

Dad’s doctor told Mom in August that he suspected Dad has Alzheimer’s and recommended she take him to see a neurologist. The doctor gave her some medicine for the Alzheimer’s. Because Mom’s memory is so bad, it’s unclear whether she gave Dad the medicine. It was after Dad fell at the post office in December, that Mom made the appointment with the neurologist, Dr. Quick.

There has been a noticeable change in Dad since he fell, and we had hopes that the fall could be blamed for his confusion and hallucinations. I met Mom and Dad on Monday for the follow up appointment with Dr. Quick and to get the results of the second EEG. Dr. Quick said he was hoping against hope that the EEG would show some improvement, but there is none. All indicators are Alzheimer’s and he thinks the fall has made the situation worse.

Dr. Quick explained what we need to do to protect Dad and what we can expect to take place. As he talked I heard Mom sniffing and I couldn’t bring myself to look at her. I knew she was crying. If I had turned to look at her, I would have broke down in tears, and I didn’t think it would be good for Dad to see us crying. As I write, I have a heart of regret and tears in my eyes, for not turning to her and putting my arms around her.

Every time Mom brings the situation up about Dad, I remind her that we have to be thankful for what we’ve had. In trying to be strong and encourage her, I feel I have closed the door on her being able to share her thoughts, feelings and fears with me. I have not acknowledged her pain and heartache and that’s something I need to do, for both of us. Telling her to be thankful when her world is falling apart, is easy for me to say, but hard for her to appreciate. Mom needs someone to cry out to, and I haven’t been there for her. I can only imagine how hard this is for her, and I’ve got to become a better listener and be more understanding. It’s hard to know the best way to be there for her, but I know how she would react if it were me, and that’s the way I need to be for her.

A Couple of Updates and A Cute Comment

~Diet News~
As of last Friday, Sherry and I have both lost four pounds. I LOVE the Weight Watcher’s Core Program! It’s such a wonderful feeling to lose weight without feeling deprived and hungry. If only it came off as fast as it went on, I’d be one happy camper. As of today I have 11 pounds to go and I’m back at my goal weight!

~Dad~
Things are getting worse with Dad. He's starting to get confused as to who we are and where he is. Whatever is going on, we can’t help but laugh at some of the things he does, but on the other hand, some are quiet serious.

On Saturday I went to visit Mom and Dad. When I arrived Mom opened the drawer where she keeps band-aids, Tylenol, etc. and found an unwrapped Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup in the drawer. There was no guess work as to who put it there.

I called Mom on my way to her house to make sure had milk for the cornbread I planned to bake. When I opened her refrigerator to grab the milk, I saw something brown floating in the bottom of the milk jug. I asked Mom what was wrong with the milk. We looked at the jug from the bottom and realized the brown stuff was Raisin Bran! No guess work as to who is responsible for that one, either. How Dad was able to get Raisin Bran in a gallon jug of milk, without making a huge mess that Mom would have discovered, is a mystery! Did he pour it from the box into the gallon jug or did he fix himself a bowl and pour what he didn’t want, back in the milk? We’re all stumped on this one.

You can only imagine the panic Mom felt when Dad got out of his chair and started to shuffle across the room with a knife blade sticking out of the front pocket of his jeans. She started yelling, “Stop Johnny, there’s a knife in your pocket!” He can’t hear worth a darn, and just kept shuffling along. I jumped up to see what was going on, and was horrified to see one of their sharp kitchen knives, about ten inches long, sticking out of his pocket, with the point up. I grabbed the knife and Mom asked him where he got it. He looked at me and said, “She gave it to me this morning!” I found it humourous that he blamed me for the knife, especially since I just arrived a few minutes earlier.

Creston and I were talking last night about Dad and how clearly he thinks at times, yet is so confused at other times. Even through the confusion, he seems happier than he’s ever been. Then it hit me, he’s faking this whole memory thing and playing mind games with Mom! It’s payback for all the times she stifled his fun! He can do whatever he wants and get away with it, because everything is blamed on his mind. Hmmm... this is why he’s so happy! I can see him hiding the Reese's in the band-aid drawer, devising a way to put cereal in the gallon jug of milk and sticking a knife in his pocket to scare the heebie-jeebies out of mom. How clever! If only this were the case, we could all have a big laugh. Something tells me this is going to be a long journey into the unknown with Dad. As I keep telling Mom, we have to focus on what we’ve had, not what we’ve lost.

~Comment by Cade~
Cade and Kirby love church and don’t like to miss a service. A couple of weeks ago Jim happened to be at Creston’s house when Cade said the blessing. After thanking God for the food, Cade asked God to forgive them for not going to church that morning. Priceless!

Changes

At the suggestion of his doctor, Mom took my dad to see a “brain” doctor (as she calls him) a couple of weeks ago. I met them at the neurologist’s office for Dad’s first appointment. After going over Dad’s symptoms, Dr. Quick is of the opinion that Dad does not have Alzheimer’s. He thinks the problem stems from some medications Dad was taking and the recent fall in December. We’ve noticed a drastic change in Dad since his accident. Dr. Quick recommended Mom take Dad off a couple of prescriptions and scheduled him to have an EEC.

Yesterday I met Mom and Dad at Dr. Quick’s office to get the results of the EEC. The EEC showed some irregular brain waves in the area of the concussion. Dr. Quick wants a follow up EEC repeated in six weeks and feels he’ll know more at the point. Dr. Quick explained because of Dad’s age, it’s likely that his brain will not fully recover from the concussion. Quiet possibly he’ll be talking nonsense the rest of his life.

When we left Dr. Quick’s office I offered to sit in the truck with Dad while Mom went to have some lab work done at her doctor’s office. I don’t know when the last time was that Dad and I talked and he was held captive. Today was a rare occasion and I left in tears for what I’m losing and with a heart of gratitude for what I have.

What I learned sitting in the truck with Dad: He asked me if I want a Rat Terrier. He seems to have one that I can have. His parents always had Rat Terriers and they are better at catching a rat than a cat is. Dad has too many dogs and the grocery bill is too high to feed them. If it wasn’t for the chickens, he doesn’t know what they would do. His big black and white dog is missing. The missing dog is in the nursing home and mom needs to hurry so they can go check on his dog. He has lots of kittens and needs to get home and check on them. He’s been miserable day and night checking on all the puppies. There are no pigs because it’s too cold to take care of them. His mom and dad moved to Florida but the pay wasn’t enough so his dad went back to work for the railroad.

Dad was commenting on vehicles as they rode by when a truck went by with a sign on it that said, “CB1 since 1925.” Dad read it out loud and said to me, “CB1 what? A tail hole?” (Oh, if my mom had heard that, the trouble he would have gotten into! I don’t think the concussion could have rescued him out of that one!) Then he told me he was born in 1925. (True) He talked about the trees in the distance and said there was a cedar tree way off. Not content to sit idle and do nothing, Dad was starting to get frustrated waiting on Mom. He looked at me and said, “My gosh, they’re going to be serving supper before long!” We both thought that was hysterical and burst out in laughter. About that time a man came out to get in his car and Dad opened his truck door. “Where are you going?” I asked. He answered, “I’m going to see about going with him. It looks like a pretty good ‘go’ and Grandpa’s going to hitch a ride.” I told him to close the door, he wasn’t going anywhere.

Mom walked up just before Dad took off with the stranger parked beside us. When I got out, she thanked me for coming and for sitting with him. “Is there anything I can do for you?” She asked. “Just take him to the nursing home to check on his dog.” I told her. She hugged me and we both started crying. “We might as well laugh” she said and I walked away in tears.

I sat in my car a few minutes before driving off, thinking about the situation. The Bible verse “Rejoice always” (1 Thessalonians 5:16) came to mind. There is so much to be thankful for, with Dad’s situation. Even though he talks a lot of gibberish, there is some connection to his life in everything he says. Like a child, he is content to carry on conversations about people, places and things, only the people, places and things are a little jumbled in his mind. He’s happy, still has a sense of humor, knows his surroundings and who we are. That in of itself, is a blessing to be thankful for.