Pacing

Jim and I are planning to go to Port St Joe tomorrow to be with Jami and Matt and to attend a celebration of John’s life on Thursday. This visit will be bittersweet to say the least. As much as I look forward to seeing Jami and her family, as well as the Schweers, I wish it were for a different reason that we were going.

There are some things we need to take care of before we leave, which puts me in a waiting mode, something I’m not very good at doing. I tend to get nervous and anxious and pace a lot, making lists so that I don’t forget anything and starting tasks that I never can find time for. The problem is I find it harder to concentrate as my mind is filled with endless thoughts.

It’s during times like these that I search for stuff to do that makes me smile and lifts my spirits. Yesterday I sorted through a bunch of pictures and put them in a photo album. Lots of fun memories there. When putting the photo album away, I pulled out a scrapbook I made for Chance when he graduated from high school. I couldn’t help but smile reading through the pages. Most of his writing in elementary school revolved around surfing and soccer. Some of the pages are way too funny and will be posted at a later date.

After more pacing and more things checked off my “to do list” I picked up a devotional journal that I finished a couple of days ago and flipped through the pages. I am in awe of all the answered prayers, many of which I had forgotten about. The answered prayers strengthen my faith for the yet unanswered ones and give me an awareness of the immeasurable value that comes from writing out and dating our prayers. The pages reflect how God is taking care of every detail of my life, both the big details and the little ones. October 27, 2008 I wrote, “Thank you God for a new day, a fresh start. Thank you for Your mercy and unfailing love. Thank you for sending Your people to minister to me just when I needed them.” That weekend four different people from our church had called me on the phone to let me know they were praying for me about something we were going through. I went on to write, “I have come to accept that Your ways are not my ways and You are working all this out for my good and Your glory.” There’s an entry I need to be constantly reminded of.

There are a lot of verses from Psalms in my journal. One of my favorite passages is Psalm 19: 1-6: “The Heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world. In the heavens He has pitched a tent for the sun, which is like a bridegroom coming forth from his pavilion, like a champion rejoicing to run his course. It rises at one end of the heavens and makes it circuit to the other; nothing is hidden from its heat.”

Between errands, cooking, packing and doing other things necessary to leave, the pacing continues. More things will get accomplished than in a usual day. I’m sure I’ll be back on here at some point with some extra time on my hands, using up the minutes before we leave for our trip.