Oh, the peace that passes all understanding!

The past couple of days have really been hard for me. Simply put, I have felt like God’s peace is eluding me. And to make matters worse, I haven’t understood why I feel this way and see myself as a disappointment to God. Beyond any shadow of doubt, I know God hasn’t moved away from me, so what is the problem? Maybe it's all that is going on in my life.

It’s been four weeks since Dad passed. Mom has had to deal with some drama she should never, and I mean never have faced, along with grieving over the loss of her husband of 64 years. Her memory problems have gotten worse since he passed. I’m sure the combination of the stress she’s under and losing him have played a huge roll in this. Night before last, our grandbaby, Beck had a set back with the cough that put him in the hospital last month. Jim is having some more health issues. The medical bills are piling up higher and higher, and he keeps having more doctors’ appointments and tests. Chance is in a hot zone in Afghanistan, heading out for another mission with a guy that he has no confidence in.

So, how can I find the calm in the middle of my storms and feel the peace that only God can give, when it seems so elusive? I can’t on my own, but God can make it happen. And, He did! He sent me just the right person to speak the words I needed, pray over me, comfort me and encourage me. He sent my friend Vicki. And the way it all came about, is just another one of those “God things.”

Vicki has been meaning to stop by my house and drop off some containers and today just “happened” to be the day she came by. She didn’t think I was home, so she left them on a bench outside. As she was driving off, I glanced out the kitchen window and saw her at the same time she saw me. I waved and she backed up her car up and pulled into my driveway. Knowing she and her husband faithfully pray for Chance, I ran out to let her know he’s headed out on a mission. Before the conversation was over, I had shared all the other stuff going on in my life and my quest for peace.

Vicki has been through some trying times and experienced what I’m going through. She struggled at times to find peace while going through her trials but when she looked back, she saw how God was there through it all, taking care of every detail and that’s when the peace came. Just what I needed to hear! Vicki even had words of wisdom to help me with my feelings of being a disappointment to God. She prayed over me, hugged me and told me she would be sharing my prayer requests and praying over them at Bible study tonight.

It was such a beautiful afternoon after Vicki left, that I grabbed my devotion book, Bible and journal and set on my porch, feeling more at peace than I have in days. After some quiet time, I decided to take a long bike ride and ponder everything. While riding I reflected back on some of the difficult times in my life. There were times when I wondered if God had forgotten me and felt panicky about my situation, peace evading me. But, no matter what was going on, God always came through for me. Sometimes I didn’t see it until after the crisis had passed, but I could always look back and see how He took care of me, sometimes in miraculous ways. He never failed me, not even once! Thinking about that, strengthened my faith and gave me a renewed sense of hope this afternoon. God will always find a way to bring me peace. I just have to keep trusting and holding on to my faith.