Miss Marlboro

After seeing my neighbor, Clara, walk to the end of the block and back on several different occasions, I asked her one day what she was looking for. “Cigarettes” was her answer! I was more than a little puzzled by her answer and she further explained. For over five years, someone has been tossing a pack of cigarettes in the street. The” tossing of the pack” happens between 4:00 and 4:30 p.m., only on weekdays, anywhere from three to five times a week. To add to the mystery, there is almost always 14 cigarettes in the pack that gets tossed.

The guy living with Clara, has seen the mystery person who throws out the cigarettes and described the vehicle and driver to us. The past few weeks, Jim and I have sat on the porch many a day watching for the cigarette lady. Somehow she has always managed to elude us until the other day. Jim happened to notice a Lincoln, driven by an older lady, come slowly by our house. The driver’s window was halfway down and the car slowed before it got to the intersection. He knew it had to be the cigarette lady, and just as he anticipated a pack of cigarettes was tossed out of the window. Having a better description of her car, I went on a mission to find the car, while out walking. We figured that she must work near where we live and sure enough, I found her car parked at a business two blocks from our house. Through observation, we’ve figured out that she works from 8:00-4:00, Monday through Friday.

Being super curious, we are relishing in the fact that we’ve solved part of the mystery, although the most mysterious part remains unsolved. Why would someone her age, throw away an almost full pack of cigarettes, several times a week? I could understand if this were a teenager, but an older lady? Why not leave them at work, or hide them in her car instead of throwing them away? If she has to be so secretive that she throws cigarettes away, when does she smoke those six cigarettes?

When handing Clara a pack I picked up recently, she said to me, “That lady sure has saved me a lot of money!” No doubt about it! Jim did some quick math, and figures Miss Marlboro has thrown away over $4,000 worth of smokes in the last five years. She is literally throwing money away, giving the phrase, “up in smoke” a whole new meaning!

Jim and I sit and fantasize about stopping Miss Marlboro one day and asking for an interview. Yep, we’re just that curious! We’ve even thought about putting some Nicorette coupons on her windshield, or a note telling her she is supporting our neighbor’s bad habit. At the expense of our fun, the cigarette lady would probably take a new route home each day, and that would be the end of Clara’s free cigarettes. Our theory is that if Clara is going to smoke, she might as well get the freebies being thrown away. Which leaves me to wonder, if this considered “street pickup” instead of dumper diving???