Changes

At the suggestion of his doctor, Mom took my dad to see a “brain” doctor (as she calls him) a couple of weeks ago. I met them at the neurologist’s office for Dad’s first appointment. After going over Dad’s symptoms, Dr. Quick is of the opinion that Dad does not have Alzheimer’s. He thinks the problem stems from some medications Dad was taking and the recent fall in December. We’ve noticed a drastic change in Dad since his accident. Dr. Quick recommended Mom take Dad off a couple of prescriptions and scheduled him to have an EEC.

Yesterday I met Mom and Dad at Dr. Quick’s office to get the results of the EEC. The EEC showed some irregular brain waves in the area of the concussion. Dr. Quick wants a follow up EEC repeated in six weeks and feels he’ll know more at the point. Dr. Quick explained because of Dad’s age, it’s likely that his brain will not fully recover from the concussion. Quiet possibly he’ll be talking nonsense the rest of his life.

When we left Dr. Quick’s office I offered to sit in the truck with Dad while Mom went to have some lab work done at her doctor’s office. I don’t know when the last time was that Dad and I talked and he was held captive. Today was a rare occasion and I left in tears for what I’m losing and with a heart of gratitude for what I have.

What I learned sitting in the truck with Dad: He asked me if I want a Rat Terrier. He seems to have one that I can have. His parents always had Rat Terriers and they are better at catching a rat than a cat is. Dad has too many dogs and the grocery bill is too high to feed them. If it wasn’t for the chickens, he doesn’t know what they would do. His big black and white dog is missing. The missing dog is in the nursing home and mom needs to hurry so they can go check on his dog. He has lots of kittens and needs to get home and check on them. He’s been miserable day and night checking on all the puppies. There are no pigs because it’s too cold to take care of them. His mom and dad moved to Florida but the pay wasn’t enough so his dad went back to work for the railroad.

Dad was commenting on vehicles as they rode by when a truck went by with a sign on it that said, “CB1 since 1925.” Dad read it out loud and said to me, “CB1 what? A tail hole?” (Oh, if my mom had heard that, the trouble he would have gotten into! I don’t think the concussion could have rescued him out of that one!) Then he told me he was born in 1925. (True) He talked about the trees in the distance and said there was a cedar tree way off. Not content to sit idle and do nothing, Dad was starting to get frustrated waiting on Mom. He looked at me and said, “My gosh, they’re going to be serving supper before long!” We both thought that was hysterical and burst out in laughter. About that time a man came out to get in his car and Dad opened his truck door. “Where are you going?” I asked. He answered, “I’m going to see about going with him. It looks like a pretty good ‘go’ and Grandpa’s going to hitch a ride.” I told him to close the door, he wasn’t going anywhere.

Mom walked up just before Dad took off with the stranger parked beside us. When I got out, she thanked me for coming and for sitting with him. “Is there anything I can do for you?” She asked. “Just take him to the nursing home to check on his dog.” I told her. She hugged me and we both started crying. “We might as well laugh” she said and I walked away in tears.

I sat in my car a few minutes before driving off, thinking about the situation. The Bible verse “Rejoice always” (1 Thessalonians 5:16) came to mind. There is so much to be thankful for, with Dad’s situation. Even though he talks a lot of gibberish, there is some connection to his life in everything he says. Like a child, he is content to carry on conversations about people, places and things, only the people, places and things are a little jumbled in his mind. He’s happy, still has a sense of humor, knows his surroundings and who we are. That in of itself, is a blessing to be thankful for.

Oh So Typical

As much as I am an organizer and a list maker, my system seems to fail me when I’m going out of town. Whether it's going on an overnight trip or an afternoon at my parents’ house, more than likely I’m going to forget something. Several times we’ve made it a few blocks from the house only to turn around and come back to retrieve a forgotten item. Today I found a journal entry I wrote after such an incident this past August. Since it's so typical of me and the way Jim reacts to me, I thought I'd post it on my blog.

August 19, 2009
The car is packed, the house alarm is set, the door is locked and Jim and I get in the car to leave for our trip. As Jim is backing the car out of the driveway he asks, “Did you remember the directions?” Hmmm, let me think. I check the notebook where I had put them and nope, they weren't there. Jim pulls back up to the house. I unlock the door, run inside, turn off the alarm, find the directions, reset the alarm, lock the door, run back to the car and off we go.

Less than two miles from the house I reach for the car charger to the phone only to realize it’s not where I keep it. We pull off the side of the road , search the car and there’s no charger to be found. Back to the house we go and the whole “unlock door, alarm scenario” is repeated.

Knowing where the spare charger is kept, I send Jim to unlock the door, turn off the alarm and grab it, while I keep searching the car for the missing one, simply because I can’t stand to misplace something. After the door is locked and the alarm is set for the third time today, I thought I would lighten the mood that was going south fast. Pretending to find the charger, I said, “Guess what I just found!” As he backed the car out of the driveway, he looked at me in total frustration and said, “I don’t care if you forgot your lung machine, we’re not going back again.”

It never fails when I do something I think is funny and Jim doesn’t see the humor in it, the situation becomes even funnier to me. The more I laugh the more aggravated he becomes. Today I realized this might be a good habit to break. I’m just hoping he doesn’t find the missing phone charger when we unpack the car.

Happy ending 2009, Happy beginning 2010!

Even though we felt the financial crunch as did many others, reflecting back I would have to say 2009 was one of the best years of my life. It was a year filled with blessings, the kind you just can’t put a price tag on. Among other things, we stayed healthy, rejoiced over the birth of a new grandson, had a lot of special family time, and stretched our faith. For me, 2009 was a year of positive changes, self-discovery and spiritual growth. Some of this was brought about by faith, some by tragedy and some by a chance encounter with a total stranger.

In May I traveled to Dallas and had the delightful experience of being at the hospital for the birth of Jami and Matt’s son, Benjamin Beck. When Chance deployed the end of June, Jami and Matt met us in Kentucky with their two little ones in tow, and we had a wonderful time together. In November Jami and the kids came for a two week stay and Matt and Brandon followed a few days later for a week long visit. Having three out of four kids and all four grandkids home for Thanksgiving, made for a very thankful day. Chance made it home just in time for Christmas making the day a lot more merry and bright.

Jim and I enjoyed two seasons of watching Cade and Kirby play baseball. Jim and Cade bonded through endless hours of fishing this summer. There were some priceless moments sitting under the bridge watching the two of them making memories. Kirby, never being one to spend the night away from home, stayed several nights with me, giving us some fun bonding time as well. I’ve learned baking sugar cookies seems to be the temptation that will get her to leave home for a night.

We knew at the beginning of 2009 that Chance would be deploying to Afghanistan sometime in the summer. I knew this was going to be a difficult time for me and it was “sink or swim.” I could either let go and trust God, or spend the time being a nervous wreck. I chose “trust.” It wasn’t always easy and there were some setbacks, but I did much better than I ever thought I would. Learning to trust God, and the faithful prayers of many friends brought me peace beyond understanding.

Matt’s father passed away unexpectedly in August. Even though I had known John for sixteen years, I knew more about him after I attended the celebration of his life. Not only did he live life to the fullest, he gave of his life to others. I realized that day I wanted more purpose and meaning in my life and set out to make some positive changes and find a way to give of myself. Little did I know how God would bring it all about.

In September a friend introduced me to Tammy. Tammy had been in a horrific car accident and neither her seat belt held, nor her air bag deployed, leaving her a quadriplegic on a ventilator. She had been transferred to a hospital less than two blocks from my house. After visiting Tammy a few times, I became aware the visits with her were changing my life. She was inspiring me with her faith, her ability to find joy in the midst of her circumstances and her heart of gratitude for any little kindness shown to her. Now I find myself looking at my problems from a different perspective and I’m learning to be more appreciative of all things in life. I never walk out of the hospital that I’m not aware of how blessed I am, just by being able to walk out the door.

One Friday night in September Jim and I took Cade fishing at the city pier near our house. People are so friendly on the pier that it was no surprise when a couple spoke to us as they walked to the end of the pier. On their way back, they stopped again. One thing led to another and we ended up sharing a little about our lives. The wife happened to mention that she volunteers at an OB clinic in Green Cove Springs for women who can’t afford health care. The clinic is open one day a week and is staffed by volunteers. Was I dreaming or what? I love newborn babies and pregnant women. Here was an opportunity for me to be around both, with hours that work around my schedule and at a location less than two miles from my house! I was so excited about the prospect of volunteering I showed up the next Thursday at the clinic and have been back every week since.

I love, love. love every minute I spend at the clinic, as do the other volunteers. We often talk about why we enjoy it so much and think it’s because it’s not a job where we have to work, it’s a job where we volunteer to work. Not only that, we have the sweetest patients ever! They walk in with grateful hearts and when they leave, we feel like we’re the ones that were blessed. I think it can all be summed up by a statement “Dr. D” said the other day. “This is my therapy!”

Looking back I know that chance encounter on the pier wasn’t really a “chance” encounter after all. God orchestrated all the little details so we would be sitting on the pier just at the right time that night, and Mary and Matt would stop and talk with us. Arranged by Him to fulfill a purpose, I gained a new friend that night and found a meaningful way to give back in life.

2009 has been a year where I feel like I found myself, I’m happy with who I am, what I’m doing, and where I’m going. I look forward to seeing what God has in store for me in the coming year. Here’s wishing you a 2010 that takes you places you never imagined and gives you experiences that transform your life, bringing you immeasurable blessings.

Oops!

Last Tuesday we rode over to spend some time with Creston, Ashley and the kids. They were so excited to see Chance and after playing a little while, they took him for a walk to show him the pond behind their house. Creston had put up a swing and built them a platform to swing off of. Cade explained to Chance how he and Creston swing together. Creston swings off the platform over the pond. When he swings back to the platform, Cade jumps on his back and swings with him. Chance was ready to try their stunt. He and Cade climbed up on the platform and I got my camera ready so I could video the two of them. When Chance swung back to the platform, Cade only got one arm around his neck and was barely hanging on. It scared me so bad that I completley missed the main action, where Chance is reaching behind his back with one arm, holding on to Cade as they swing out over the pond. It's still a cute video and we laugh every time we watch it.

Jim's Decorating Attitude Changes!

After many years of seeing Jim get extremely agitated over the simple task of putting a Christmas tree in a stand, I came to the conclusion that the kids and I needed to decorate the tree when he was out of the house. From that point on we waited until Jim was MIA to put up our tree and Christmas became more enjoyable. Problem solved. The “Christmas tree stress” no longer existed, the kids and I had fun, and Jim was happy as a clam to come home and find the task completed without his involvement.

The first year we moved to our current house, our neighbor decorated her entire yard with Christmas lights and decorations. Other than a tree I had never put up any decorations and decided that I was going to string lights on my fence and decorate my yard the next year. My neighbor was more than willing to help and she gave me a garland for my gate and helped me wrap lights around the columns on my porch. I was so elated to finally have outside decorations and absolutely loved my yard. Every year after that one, I put up more lights and got a little more creative with my decorations. Through the years I’ve had a friend and neighbors help me out at different times with my decorations. Other than asking Jim to hold the ladder for me and tell me if my lights were evenly spaced on the columns, I’ve left him alone, knowing he has zero tolerance when it comes to decorating.

When I found out that Chance was coming home for Christmas, I wanted to put up a sign with red, white and blue lights around it, some American flags and some yellow ribbons around the oak trees. When I got ready to put the sign on the fence, I ask Jim if he would give me just a few minutes of his time. Much to my surprise he said he would, and even helped with the rest of the decorations, staying with me until everything was perfect. This happens to be the one and only time I can remember that he willingly helped out with a decoration involving Christmas lights! I think he was so caught up in the excitement of Chance coming home that he would have done just about anything at that point, with no complaining! Here’s the end result -

That night when we were waiting to pick Chance up from the airport, we were surprised when my niece walked up. She was there waiting on a friend's flight. I gave her my camera and asked if she would take a couple of pictures for us. I'm so glad she was there and captured a couple of priceless moments for me. Can you tell I didn't want to let go when I saw Chance?
There were lots of tears and smiles that night - and still are!

Learning to Let Go

Wednesday afternoon we anxiously stayed near the phone waiting for the call from Chance letting us know his flight had landed and he was back in the states, after a six-month deployment. I hurriedly grabbed the phone when it rang and instead of hearing Chance’s voice on the other end, it was Creston asking if I had heard the news about my dad. He and Mom had gone to the post office to pick up a package and when Dad went to get the truck, he tripped on the sidewalk and fell flat on his face. Mom walked out to hear his cries for help and see his face a bloody mess. Some kind lady had already called for an ambulance and another couple stayed with Mom until my brother picked her up and drove her to the hospital. After several tests and getting his face stitched up, Dad was released from the hospital. He has to follow up with a plastic surgeon Tuesday because the bones around his eye aren’t “lined up right.” (mom’s words)

Two hours after we were supposed to hear from Chance, we finally got the phone call that we had been waiting on. He was in Baltimore for a layover and would be back on his base the next day. Two phone calls in one afternoon, both with completely different reactions, left me full of emotions. I had concern over Dad’s condition, compassion for Mom, and sweet relief that Chance was back from Afghanistan.

This afternoon was the first opportunity I had to go visit Mom and Dad and check on them since he fell. Dad is all bruised and sore and has a nice shiner on his right eye. With all that and not being able to wear his glasses, he looked a lot different than I’m used to seeing him. Other than being a little more confused than usual, he seemed to be his old cheery self, greeting me with a smile. I wasn’t surprised at all. That is my Dad. Take what life gives you and move on with a smile. And Mom? She was just as I knew she would be - wrecked with nervousness, worry and anxiety. No big surprise there either.

I sat today in the living room with Mom and Dad and realized that her world is slowly falling apart and she is in no way prepared. She has spent her life living in a “what if” world and not coping well when faced with a situation out of her control. This has been a way of life for her and the older she gets the worse she gets. I can’t remember my Mom going through a difficult time that she was not overcome with worry, stress and anxiety. I guess it was only inevitable that my life would be strongly influenced by her need for control and her worry issues. The older I get the more I see what it’s done to her and the more determined I am to not be like her. As I told Jim tonight, “At the end of the day I want God to look at me and say, ‘Good job Molly in trusting Me.’” I know there are many days that I fall short, but I’m also more aware than ever, that if I want peace I have to let go of the “what if’s” and place my trust in God. If “knowing” is half the battle, then the victory is mine!

White Trash

This is one of my favorite Christmas recipes to make, and to eat. It's so super easy and one of those recipes that I just can't resist. Christmas just isn't Christmas without some "White Trash!"

White Trash

5 cups Cheerios
5 cups Corn Chex
1 cup mini pretzels, broken into pieces
1 can salted peanuts
½ of a large bag of plain M&M’s
1 24 oz. package vanilla flavored almond bark
1 Tbsp. vegetable oil

Combine cereals, pretzels and nuts in bowl. Melt almond bark with oil in microwave until melted, stirring occasionally. Pour over mixture. Add in M&M’s. Pour onto wax paper. Let cool. Break into pieces.